Abraham got a ram…where’s mine?

February 14, 2010

When I first heard the news of Hosanna’s fatal condition, I felt as though God was testing me.  I was reminded of the story of Abraham and Isaac.  God asked Abraham to take his only son, Isaac (the one he had waited many, many years for), to the altar and sacrifice him.  God told Isaac to give his son to Him.  And Abraham was ready to obey.  Abraham took Isaac to the mountain and was prepared to sacrifice him to the Lord.  But when Abraham was about to kill Isaac, God sent a ram.  God told Abraham to stop, and to sacrifice the ram instead.  God honored Abraham’s faith and obedience by providing for him.  (Genesis 22)

I prayed that God would do the same for us.  I mean, I guess I didn’t expect a ram, but I was hoping that  God would heal Hosanna.  I thought if I was obedient to God, and was ready to give her up to Him, that maybe, just maybe He would heal her before we could really give her up.  That was really early in the process, and those were really fleeting thoughts.  I knew that God wasn’t going to send us a ram, but I really wanted one.

I tried bargaining with God saying, “If You heal her, I will tell all the world.  I will not be silent.  I will bring You glory.”  I knew this wasn’t what I needed to do, though.  I knew that I needed to glorify God even if He didn’t heal Hosanna.  And that is what I’m trying to do.  I want to bring glory through loving and trusting Him through this time.  I also want to glorify Him by being honest…honest with my anger and sadness.  He can handle it; He knows how I’m feeling anyway.  There’s no sense pretending I don’t have those feelings.  There’s no sense in trying to hide it.

God wants me (us) to be honest with Him.  He welcomes it.  But through this sadness and anger, I also am honest and know that He still loves me, and that I love Him.  I know this time will pass, and I know that He will restore us and bring joy back to our lives.  He will honor us and bless us with a healthy child, one day.  One day, He will.  One day…

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